If two past lovers can remain just friends, it’s either they are still in Love, or never were. – People are often in Love with the feeling of being in Love, which triggers compulsive behavior.
But falling in Love is not an act of magic.
After the initial lust and attraction stages, the two people idealize each other and then attach to each other. If they stay together, their Love eventually matures and changes.
People with Love addiction seem to never get past the initial stages of falling in Love; this gives those with a Love addiction a sense of purpose and meaning.
They become dependent on their objects of affection, hoping that these people will somehow complete their lives. The feeling of falling in Love creates an emotional intoxication that deepens the addiction.
And this feeling of euphoria or intoxication can result simply from the thought of a lover, which creates a craving for this lover, making the beloved the sole focus of the addict.
People addicted to Love tend to attract Love-avoidant partners because both individuals have a fear of being abandoned and controlled.
Love-avoidant individuals are also emotionally unavailable individuals. Avoidant partners are afraid of being smothered by their addicted partners, and they are afraid to show their true emotions.
This is why they tend to enter into relationships with people who lack emotional boundaries or have difficulty thinking for themselves.
When someone addicted to Love and a Love-avoidant person get together, their relationship can trigger feelings of helplessness and hopelessness, chaos and dependency. This type of relationship is often rooted in childhood trauma.
Some people develop Love addiction as a response to their childhood experiences, particularly childhood trauma when a major caregiver does not relate with the child to develop healthy intimacy. Without nurturing, a child may develop poor self-esteem, lack in confidence, and insecurity.
Because the brain’s reward system is activated by falling in Love, the person experiences pleasure, so someone with Love addiction may obsessively seek to regain that pleasurable Love state to keep their negative feelings at bay.
People with Love addiction may display the following behaviors
- Constant searching for new romantic partners
- Difficulty spending time alone
- Using sex to keep a partner interested
- Consistently picking partners who are abusive
- Frequently starting relationships with emotionally unavailable people
- Avoiding friends and family members to pursue romantic relationships
- Confusing sex with love
- Feelings of desperation when not in a relationship
- Unhappiness in romantic relationships
- Avoiding relationships for long periods of time
- Difficulty leaving bad relationships
- Returning to abusive or emotionally unavailable partners
Without appropriate treatment, Love addiction may have physical consequences, since it often leads to unhealthy behavior patterns, including
- Engaging in risky sexual behaviors to maintain the interest of an avoidant partner.
- Unexplained physical pain.
- Unhealthy habits to cope with emotional pain.
- Other addictions (sex, drugs, alcohol).
Sex addiction is another possible consequence of Love addiction. When someone is constantly searching for a relationship, that person might use sex to attract new partners.
Love addiction affects family, friendships, and romantic relationships too. When family members and friends point out addictive behavior, the addicted person may respond with denial, aggression, or hostility.